The anxiety monster is sitting heavily on my chest tonight. I fly back to the States in less than a week, and my brain keeps telling me all these things I HAVE to do before I leave. Even if they aren’t super important to actually getting me out of the country.

I know I’m just making more work for myself, but I feel like I need to make the transition as easy as I can for the new teachers. I feel like I have to write all these things about my classes and students, when they can probably figure it out on their own. Or I feel like I should deep clean the apartment and wash the sheets and blankets, when really it’s not a necessity. It would be nice of me, but I don’t have to do it.

I’m also worried about fitting everything in two suitcases and a carry-on. I know I shipped a lot of stuff home, but looking at all the stuff I have to pack still makes me think I won’t be able to do it. Also, trying to get said suitcases to the airport when you don’t have a car or someone to take you is stressful.

And then there’s the matter of my hamster. I can’t take it with me, and so far I haven’t found anyone who wants it. Even just to hold onto it and take care of it until I come back in a year.

I’m definitely going to cry tomorrow because it’s the last day I get to see my preschool students. And I’ll probably cry next week too when I leave the country. I haven’t even left yet and I’m already ready to come back. I think this next year is going to be a long one; having to wait to come back. I know I need to see my family, but I kind of wish I had signed another contract.

I know I will be glad of the break, though. It’s been a long exhausting year, and I need to get ready for the next time I come back.

I’m sorry for how disjointed this might seem, but that’s kind of how my brain is right now because of all the anxiety and stress. But I need to see if I can sleep now.

I’ll see you in the next one.


2 thoughts on “2/23

  1. I relate to you when you talk about anxiety. I have an anxiety disorder called misophonia and it makes merely being around people extremely debilitating. Hang in there xx

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