2/10

Tonight the anxiety is unexplainable. I can’t figure out where exactly it’s coming from. And that annoys me. When I know what’s causing it I can accept it and usually move on and sleep. It’s the anxiety with no perceivable cause that makes life difficult.

Tonight it could be from any number of things. The fact I fly home in eighteen days and need to start getting ready to go. Maybe it was something I said or did. Maybe it has something to do with my plans to actually leave my apartment tomorrow. Maybe it’s from my digestive issues today and the worry I might have inflammation again. Or maybe it’s a combination of any number of these and more. These are just the ones I can name that could be causing anxiety. 

Almost nightly battles with anxiety are exhausting. I lose sleep or I sleep poorly. And then I’m exhausted the next day. I’m just glad I’ve gotten good enough at hiding it that no one can tell anymore. I don’t want to have to hide it, though. I want to feel awake and energetic after a full night’s sleep. 

I know a lot of what I write is complaining, but it helps me. And saying it here, where no one knows me, makes me feel less guilty about sharing..

It’s time for bed. 

See you in the next one.

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